The Fantasea

(Excerpted from Fibstorm Follies Newsletter)

Issue # 221
              June 30, 2001
The narrator (where did he come from?)reprises a little of what's 
happened so far.
Date:    06/23/2001 12:01:54 PM Central Daylight Time    
From:    Bobbadger    
Message from the "chorus"  (remember Sophocles?)
This Fibstorm's got near everything
(Which one of them is Stephen King?)
With witch and storm and schoolmarm, dolls and guys.
Now Briny wants them all to load
Upon his boat, 'cause scroll has showed
A path to new adventure.  (Is this wise?)
They gathered there at Pegleg's bar.
They knew not why they came so far
But something drew them there to be together.
They are, indeed, a motley crew
Assembled by some wind that blew;
A most intriguing and unworldly weather.
But who are all these souls that met?
(Who really haven't done much yet)
And where did each one come from ere they're here?
To start with, we'll let Witchypoo
Begin (as she is wont to do)
With Briny. Stormers, give the lass your ear!
  Here's Witchypoo.
Subj:    The Beginnings of Bernie    
Date:    06/16/2001 5:59:29 AM Central Daylight Time    
From:  witchypoo
The young Bernie Gluck he came out to the West
He would have kept going but needed a rest
The boots that he wore weren't for walking
His toes were all blistered his feet they were sore
Just got into town and he saw a barn door
Collapsed in the hay- started squawking
Then came a deep voice to the right of his ear
"Shiver me timbers, just what have we here?"
An old sailor man was a-staring
"Your fortune you're seeking, don't tell me I'm wrong
Come let me sing you a sea-shanty song
And take off those boots that you're wearing"
So Bern shed his boots and he sighed with relief
The ill-fitting footwear had caused him great grief
The old sailor man started singing
He sang of the sea and a sky always blue
He told of a life that was honest and true
Adventure to Bern he was bringing
When he finished his tales young Bern said "that was swell"
And vowed he would follow the sailor to Hell
For the lure of the sea it was calling
So they packed up their gear and they put out to sea
The ship that they joined was the first Fantasea
Bern into adventure was falling
(over to y'all for a list of his adventures)
Briny pleads for mercy.
Date:  06/24/2001 8:09:00 AM Central Daylight Time    
From:    bgluck (Bernard Gluck)
Profiles of the crew
This voyage will take many days
We pass the time in many ways
Let's get to know a bit about each other.
Ms. Witchypoo has started out 
To tell what Briny is about
But please don't pass this on to Briny's mother.
Lou continues.
Date:  06/23/2001 6:49:30 PM Central Daylight Time    
From:    Lu
Bernie put on some boots of a different kind,
Rubber ones that came all the way to his behind      
And then a jacket of navy blue wool.
On his head was a skull cap, navy blue too,
Like an old salt he looked, and that was true
Now this, he thought, is better than going to school.
Pretty soon they were out in the salty air,
Riding the waves, and not one with a care,
And Bernie felt just like bonafide sailorman.
But it was bound to happen, a storm did brew,
The first storm they all had to ride through,
And Bernie was tested as sailor and as a man.
Jean picks up where Lou left off.
Date:    06/24/2001 5:03:13 AM Central Daylight Time    
From:    witchypoo 
The storm raged all day
And it raged through the night
The sky it was black
But the waves capped with white
The ship it was tossed
Like a leaf in the wind
The sailors said prayers
For the times they had sinned
Then came a huge wave
As it smashed o'er the stern
With icy wet fingers
It reached out for Bern
His world turned to water
He thought he would die
One moment on deck
Then hurled high in the sky
As he plunged to the ocean
No ship could he see
He thought of the land, cried
"Three times woe is Me"
But Bern was not doomed
For his Destiny said
Adventures would face him
Before he was dead
The violent storm ceased
But the ship was no more
And Bernie was saved
By the clothes that he wore
In oilskins he floated
And bobbed up and down
Some dolphins approached
They would not let him drown
A circle they formed
And they swam with such grace
To get Bern to land
T'was a desperate race
Then gently they nudged him
To island's fair shore
Then swam back to sea
Bern was on land once more...........
and then...........
Sounds like Bernie finally found a "porpoise" 
for his life.  Lou continues.
Date:    06/24/2001 10:19:40 AM Central Daylight Time    
From:    Lu 
When Bernie awoke 
He thought he had died,
What he saw about him
Had him mystified.
Palm trees swaying
In a sweet soft breeze
Birds were singing.
He rose to his knees.
To look about the place
Where he had landed,
What is this karma
That I have been handed?
All over the beach
The wrecked Fantasea,
Lay in the brine
"Oy vay, woe is me!"
But all is not lost.
Date:    06/24/2001 1:42:18 PM Central Daylight Time    
From:    sforrest (Shelby Forrest)
Captain Briny, when his ship's repaired,
Would sail to an ancient land.
He thinks it" wuz in the Bible somewhere,"
"Jest where, he don't understand."
Well, Sheba  an ancient land, was indeed
Ruled by an Ancient Queen
And about one thousand years B.C.
She was by Solomon seen.
Solomon, King of the Israilites,
Gave many gifts to the Queen.
So the Queen of Sheba took treasures back
All hidden, they're yet to  be seen.
Now Sheba's location in the world today
Is the site that is now called Yemen.
And Briny, of course, has selected this place.
Because of its many veiled women.
And the captain, as all who know him, know
Would very much like to be
Owner of a harem  and be called,
"The Sheik of Araby."
"Poetry written in metric rhyme
Can bear the wear of eroding time"
Bernie tells more about her majesty.
Subj:    Queen of Sheba
Date:    06/26/2001 8:17:43 AM Central Daylight Time
From:    bgluck
Queen of Sheba
The flyer Shelby told it well
And something more I now can tell
About the Queen of Sheba and her name.
The scroll we found has told us this:
The Queen of Sheba's name - BALQUIS
To find her hidden temple is our game
A priestess of the highest kind
Was Sheba's Queen is what we find
And Solomon, the king had known her well
And "Asthar" was the Goddess there
An Arab "Venus" oh so fair
The area was Saba, so they tell.
And as we venture learning more
About the ravages of war
We sadly view destruction all around
So, bravely we pursue our mission
As has been our own tradition
We will tell the world what we have found.
Meanwhile back to our crew, where Addy Lou was trying to weed out some of the competition in last time's issue.
Date:    06/25/2001 5:37:00 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    skort (Sha)
You think that thinning down the girls
Will make the men see all your twirls?
I think you'd better think it out again
I have a friend in witchy-poo
Who knows what magic she can do
To titivate and captivate those men?
If you don't start to back me up
You'll never fill that empty cup
So grease on up to ken?
And just in case you won't relent
I have a plan that's heavensent
I'll board a Pirate Ship, become a wren!
Miss Sha-di dah!
Addy Lou relents.
Date:    06/25/2001 7:44:39 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    Lu
Well you girls, I'll knuckle under,
To have no friends would be a blunder,
So let us all shake hands and be pals.
I was just wondering where the guys are,
Heard nothing from them. Have you Sha?
No call. no letters, and no e-mails.
They didn't leave without us, did they?
Because if they did there'll be hell to pay!
Now what they heck are we gonna do?
Do you think they're all somewhere drinking,
If they are then by now they'd be stinking!
Get out your crystal ball witchypoo!
The flyer gives sailin' lessons.
Subj:    Fantasea gettin ready
Date:    06/26/2001 10:23:42 AM Central Daylight Time
From:    sforrest (Shelby Forrest)
I wuz thinkin, perhaps, that water-logged scow,
The Fantasea, had been dry-docked.
It took a hard beatin in the last big storm,
By its appearance we  wuz quite shocked.
But Bernie has got it sea worthy again,
And it now appears ready to go.
And i see he has instructed all of the gals
In some sea-goin things they should know.
A daily chore each has to perform
The Captain's decree has said.
Each day one gets the honor bestowed
As "Captain of the Head"
The seas are rough like a rocky road
And when we get under sail
Each lady had best be well prepared
And carry a "barfin pail"
(more insructions to come--the acting navigator)
Briny elaborates.
Subj:    Addy Lou thinks she's goin' cruisin'
Date:    06/26/2001 7:38:48 AM Central Daylight Time
From:  bgluck (Bernard Gluck)
Important is this mission, Lou
And one that you may choose
I must impress that point on you
It's not a pleasure cruise.
This ain't no bloody cruisin ship
We're sailin' on, my Dear.
It's not what you were thinkin' of.
You're new with us I fear.
A hammock in the fo'csle down
Below is where you bed.
A bit of salted pork or fish
Is what you will be fed.
A bucket with some water in
Is what we call the "head"
The Fantasea's a sailing ship
No matter what you read.
You'll have to swab the deck each day
For now that is your chore
Then as you get your sealegs, gal
I'm sure I'll find you more.
If there's a gal knows how to sew
She'll mend our canvas sails
And when the ship takes on some seas
Another lady bails.
The cat that came with Witchypoo
I have a job for that
He will patrol the decks below
In search of any rat.
Addy Lou isn't buying all that.
Date:    06/26/2001 12:57:43 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    Lu
Excuse me sir, please elucidate,
Regarding your recent E-Mail
Am I going on the Fantasea?
Or am I going to jail?
A hammock? Salted fish or pork?
A bucket of water's the Head?
Swab the deck every day?
I laugh!  Ha ha! At what you said.
I do not notice any chores for men,
What's the story there?
You think we will all work like slaves,
While you sit in a chair?
I am a seamstress sir, and I am a nurse.
My services in those will be free,
Get one of your swabbies to do the deck,
Now, when do we go to sea?
Sha spurs Addy Lou onward.
Date:    06/26/2001 4:33:26 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    skort (Sha)
I think he's tryin' to put you off
He said it all with such a scoff
Just don't forget it's called the Fantasea!
This ship can be what YOU decide
Such gruesome pics, I can't abide
That Bern, he's trying to rib, so thoughtlessly
I don't know what his game's about
But Addy-Faddy, you must doubt
Whatever he is saying, you agree?
For luxury you'll find on board
The men will serve a sexy broad
Get out your fishnet stockings, that's the key!
Sha-di dah!
Addy Lou readily agrees to that.
Subj:    All right already!
Date:    06/26/2001 8:08:14 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    Lu
Mrs. Addy-Faddy Gotrocks:
Addy-Faddy got on the ship,
Said: "I've come to be with you."
She spoke to the other girls,
And to the motley, mangy crew.
In her bag were all the goodies,
A temptress needed to use,
"I'm at your service" she said slyly,
And went below, her quarters to peruse. 
Briny spouts sea-farin' philosophy.
Date:    06/26/2001 5:36:30 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    bgluck (Bernard Gluck)
The Captain Speaks !.......
Now Hear This !!!
You doubt my credibility
About the way we go to sea
We're talking not about the Princess Line !
Forget about your cruise brochure
There are discomforts to endure
Just follow all my rules and you'll be fine.
Adventure is before us, girls
No need to put your hair in curls
No formal dining on the Fantasea.
Safari gear is what you need
Good hiking shoes so feet don't bleed
Just be yourselves and venture forth with me.
The men have sailed with me before
And each one knows what is his chore
But Larry isn't cooking on this sail
Old Bubba's good at barbecue
So in our galley he will do
And Shelby I can count on without fail.
With square-rigged sails on every mast
The course is set: the die is cast
And solid oak from England makes the hull
You'll smell the tar, hear timbers creak
As salty spray lands on your cheek
I promise you our voyage won't be dull.
Each setting sun, on deck you'll come
And all can have a tot of rum
With sailor's chanteys flowing on the air
And not a thought what waits at home
Exotic places yet to roam
We venture forth without a bleedin' care.
Sha snorts.
Date:    06/26/2001 11:39:03 PM Central Daylight Time
From:    skort (Sha)
That Captain may as well be dead
He didn't hear a word I said
The fantasy of traveling in my mind
The fact, we travel anywhere
His grueling words give me a scare
Of how to find enjoyment he is blind
He wants our hair all shorn and dull
He wants to store us in the hull
We need a captain of a different kind!
Who knows what food is on our plate?
He'll make us eat some stuff we hate
I think we have to leave this man behind
And as for drinking tots of rum
The ladies find that bev'rage dumb!
We have much better ways that we unwind!
Sha-di da
The schoolmarm joins in.
Date:    06/27/2001 1:41:52 AM Central Daylight Time
From:    dizzys (Diz)
Yes I'm with Sha, it's mutiny
Which Captain fills our fantasea?
Unless dear Bernie knows when he is beaten
We'll vote another captain in
That Lu, her ways are not a sin
A cruise ship is the one we'll put our feet in
DIZ who likes her comforts...
And Addy Lou hatches a plot.
Date:    06/27/2001 8:09:59 AM Central Daylight Time
From:    Lu
You men need not read this!!
Sha -di-dah and Diz my dear
And other ladies who can hear
What we are saying,
Those two gals have it right
But we need not have a big fight,
Just pretend to be obeying.
When we get out to the sea,
Then we'll be in charge of Fantasea,
Men are fools when women are about.
So get on this ship Fantasea,
Say "Aye" to the Captain, or "Si, Si",
Let us get going, then we shall see!
No sooner than she says it, it's done.
Date:    06/27/2001 8:32:15 AM Central Daylight Time
From:    bgluck (Bernard Gluck)
Mutiny Aboard the Fantasea
A shocking turn to our story
Women launch the only dory
Cast poor Captain Briny out adrift.
Volunteers are asked to jern him
Tropic sun about to burn him
You can see just why the captain's miffed.
With no compass there to guide him
Who will risk his life beside him?
Briny wonders if he has a friend.
Who among those left aboard
Wants to leave that female hoard??????
Is this noble venture near its end???????????
Will Briny survive?  There's plenty more to come.
























































































































Tune in tomorrow.